I say I say I say..... Crap joke thread #3

[Zimeagle]

You know when you're sitting on the loo and realise there's no toilet roll so you have to do that silly 'trousers down waddle walk' to go and get a new one? Well, I'm nearly at Tesco's.

 

[mezzer]

I saw a woman on the bus today with her breast out feeding her kid.

My Missus said it was only natural.

Not when she was feeding it crisps.

 

[ex hibitionist]

Woman at the doctor's: "I don't know why but I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green grass of Home'.

Doctor: "It sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

Woman: "Is it common?"

Doctor: "It's not unusual".

 

[beak]

The new Archbishop of Canterbury was interested in the state of Britain today and the thoughts of the young, so an opinion poll was commissioned and the canvasser stood outside a night club waiting to canvas the young men on their way home, the canvaser asked the first youngster how he viewed lesbian relationships the slightly slurry youth said "well usually in full HD".

 

[Teddy Eagle]

Last night I dreamed I'd written Lord of the Rings.
I hadn't.
I was just Tolkien in my sleep.

 

[BudgiesBeak]

A dung beetle walked into a bar. He looked around and said “Excuse me, but is this stool taken?”

 

[HeathMan]

Overheard at social gathering.

Times are so have that I am considering cancelling my yearly subscription to HMRC.

 

[HeathMan]

Overheard at social gathering.

Times are so have that I am considering cancelling my yearly subscription to HMRC.

Sorry people - it is late

Overheard at social gathering.

Times are so hard that I am considering cancelling my yearly subscription to HMRC.

 

[Dogburger]

I know a crap joke but its got a sh1t punchline

 

[Teddy Eagle]

My grief counsellor died. He was so good I don't care.

 

[BudgiesBeak]

I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I said: 'Inch-high knees?'
He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

 

[chris123]

I know a crap joke but its got a sh1t punchline

Not Bob Mortimer's?

 

[beak]

I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I said: 'Inch-high knees?'
He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

The old cryptic crossword clue a girl on each knee which is Pat Ella

 

[Dogburger]

Not Bob Mortimer's?

Rumour had it that it was Gus Poyet's .