I find this a bit offensive. I lost my partner of 20 years to lung cancer recently She died within 5 weeks of diagnosis. We wrote wills but committed the crime of choosing not to marry because we both experienced horrendous marriages previously. Both were abusive in their own way. We were very, very happy together. We owned a property together and were married in everything but name, yet I had to pay tens of thousands in IHT, having our property valued within weeks of her death despite living in it with all her things still here, and paying this tens of thousands immediately to HMRC.
I consider myself an immediate heir. We did write wills. We didn't "gift" it away because we needed what we had to live and enjoy ourselves. I believe we were "sensible" people. We just didn't want to get married through personal experience. Her estate was above £325,000 because of the flat the we bought (and loved) together.
The money that I paid is irrelevant. Many people will think that we were "lucky" to have enough to tax. The fact that we both came back from, literally, the brink of losing everything material or otherwise from previous relationships doesn't make us not sensible. My kids and myself have had to pay the price for our "lack of planning".
That said, I wouldn't change a thing of the time we had together. It just seems a little bit wrong that that our very personal choice cost so much. And I'm just glad that it was my lovely other half that went first as I'm not sure how she would have coped if it was the other way round.