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I say I say I say..... Crap joke thread #3

ex hibitionist said:
they need a set of euphemisms for sizes, then when everyone associates the new words with size they'd have to change them ... I'll start with hatchback, saloon or limousine ... in extreme cases there could be reliant robin, unicycle, HGV and juggernaut. Any suggestions for the second iteration?🤓
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Little Richard? Tutti Fruitti? Keep a knockin'?
 
mezzer said:
The recent military conflict between India and Pakistan is in danger of escalating. The Indians fired 5,000 onion bhajis and 2,000 samosas over the border. And that was just for starters.
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If they were made in Argentina would they be Argie Bhajis?
 
Forest Hillbilly said:
An Irishman is perusing the shelves of a clock shop. The assistant comes over to him and says "Hi Sir, what sort of clock are you after ?!
"I'm after a potato clock", says the Irish man
"Sir, we sell all sort of clocks, mantlepiece, grandfather, cuckoo, but I've never heard of a potato clock"
"Ahh, well I have to be at my new job on Monday for 9, and the wife said I need to get a potato clock" Boom-tish 😀
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Of all the stupid jokes which got tears running down my face...I had to tell this to my wife, who is half-Irish. Needless to say I laughed more than she did !
 
Man goes to a Florist looking for advice. "My tulips won't grow properly," he explains, "no matter what type of fertiliser I use."
"Simple," says the Florist, "just get as many gerbils, guinea pigs, voles and harvest mice as you can, put them in boiling water for 30 minutes then mash them all up and put it all over your flower bed."
"What good will that do for my tulips?" asks the man, to which the Florist replies:
"Surely you've heard of tulips from hamster jam?".😕
 
ex hibitionist said:
Man goes to a Florist looking for advice. "My tulips won't grow properly," he explains, "no matter what type of fertiliser I use."
"Simple," says the Florist, "just get as many gerbils, guinea pigs, voles and harvest mice as you can, put them in boiling water for 30 minutes then mash them all up and put it all over your flower bed."
"What good will that do for my tulips?" asks the man, to which the Florist replies:
"Surely you've heard of tulips from hamster jam?".😕
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And on the note. A native goes to a witch doctor because he has a terrible skin condition and conventional medicine hasn't helped.

Kill your best friend, boil him up and spread the residue all over your skin.

What the hell do you call that?

Pal O mine lotion.
 
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