• Existing user of old message board?

    Your username will have transferred over to this new message board, but your password will need to be reset. Visit our convert your account page, to transfer your old password over.

I say I say I say..... Crap joke thread #3

B

BudgiesBeak

Member
Location
London
Country
England
This topic didn't seem to get transferred over to the new site. Anyway here's a new thread!!

I was walking along a canal towpath in Birmingham, and I saw a man fishing. I asked him "Have you caught anything today?"
"Not much", he said. "Only a whale."
I said "A WHALE?? In Birmingham? What sort of a whale?"
He replied "A bicycle whale."
 
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when an old gentleman walks by. Having greeted the ladies politely, one of the women says "I bet we can tell how old you are"

The man says "Go on then"

"First" says the woman, "you have to drop your trousers" He's a bit surprised, but does so. After a bit of humming and ha-ing, the woman says "No, we need you to drop your pants too". The man's a bit startled at this, but drops his underpants. "Now" says the woman "an you just wiggle about a bit please?" He obliges, and finally, after a brief discussion with her friends, the woman says "You are 87 years old, just".

"That's amazing" says the man, "how did you do that?" Smiling, the woman replies.....
















We were at your birthday party last week.
 
A man walks into a pub with half a lemon stuffed in his ear.

The barman said to him " Oi mate, why have you got a lemon stuffed in your ear?"

The bloke replies "Well, you've heard of a hearing aid, this is a lemonade"
 
An Irishman is perusing the shelves of a clock shop. The assistant comes over to him and says "Hi Sir, what sort of clock are you after ?!
"I'm after a potato clock", says the Irish man
"Sir, we sell all sort of clocks, mantlepiece, grandfather, cuckoo, but I've never heard of a potato clock"
"Ahh, well I have to be at my new job on Monday for 9, and the wife said I need to get a potato clock" Boom-tish 😀
 
Last edited:
Mary and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Mary pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Mary: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Mary: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
 
becky said:
Mary and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Mary pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Mary: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Mary: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
Click to expand...
In the chemist's I really loudly ask for extra, extra large.
 
I left 2 tickets to see Brighton on my Car Dashboard.
When I returned I was disgusted to see that someone had smashed my car window, and left 2 more.
 
ex hibitionist said:
is that condoms or boxes of Viagra?
Click to expand...
they need a set of euphemisms for sizes, then when everyone associates the new words with size they'd have to change them ... I'll start with hatchback, saloon or limousine ... in extreme cases there could be reliant robin, unicycle, HGV and juggernaut. Any suggestions for the second iteration?🤓
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Holmesdale Online Shop

Back
Top