I say I say I say..... Crap joke thread #3

[BudgiesBeak]

This topic didn't seem to get transferred over to the new site. Anyway here's a new thread!!

I was walking along a canal towpath in Birmingham, and I saw a man fishing. I asked him "Have you caught anything today?"
"Not much", he said. "Only a whale."
I said "A WHALE?? In Birmingham? What sort of a whale?"
He replied "A bicycle whale."

 

[HeathMan]

Thank you.🙂

 

[CrazyBadger]

I went to a sexual fetish themed restaurant last night.
I got Toed in the Hole.

 

[BudgiesBeak]

"Excuse me, waiter - this soup is cold."
"It's Gazpacho, sir."
"Oh, sorry, Gazpacho - this soup is cold."

 

[beak]

Greenland have just made a counter offer to Trump's bid, nothing It is the land o' the free.

 

[BudgiesBeak]

Me and the missus are in the iron and steel business. She does the ironing, I do the stealing!

 

[ex hibitionist]

I tried to make a ventriloquist dummy out of an old carpet the other day. Sadly it was ruggish.

 

[ASCPFC]

My girlfriend finished with me saying that I "always have to have the last word".
I told her that she was "in fact, incorrect" as she walked out the door.

 

[becky]

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when an old gentleman walks by. Having greeted the ladies politely, one of the women says "I bet we can tell how old you are"

The man says "Go on then"

"First" says the woman, "you have to drop your trousers" He's a bit surprised, but does so. After a bit of humming and ha-ing, the woman says "No, we need you to drop your pants too". The man's a bit startled at this, but drops his underpants. "Now" says the woman "an you just wiggle about a bit please?" He obliges, and finally, after a brief discussion with her friends, the woman says "You are 87 years old, just".

"That's amazing" says the man, "how did you do that?" Smiling, the woman replies.....
















We were at your birthday party last week.

 

[HeathMan]

The old ones are the best, and well presented. Thanks

 

[BromleyMonkey]

A man walks into a pub with a fried egg on his head

The barmaid said “why have you got a fried egg on your head?”

He said “because the hard boiled egg keeps rolling off”

 

[Palace Old Geezer]

A man walks into a pub with half a lemon stuffed in his ear.

The barman said to him " Oi mate, why have you got a lemon stuffed in your ear?"

The bloke replies "Well, you've heard of a hearing aid, this is a lemonade"