I say I say I say..... Crap joke thread #3

Lawrie said:
Dubai and Abu Dhabi are both in the United Arab Emirates.
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oh f*ck off, I'll take a yellow card for that, OK cancel the UAE and replace it with something else, Riyadh then, or Aqaba famously retaken by Lawrence of Arabia and portrayed famously by Peter O'Toole, "I would like a glass of lemonade, we've taken Aqaba." Or somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or in the Persian Gulf, got any suggestions you killjoy smart *rse?
 
ex hibitionist said:
oh f*ck off, I'll take a yellow card for that, OK cancel the UAE and replace it with something else, Riyadh then, or Aqaba famously retaken by Lawrence of Arabia and portrayed famously by Peter O'Toole, "I would like a glass of lemonade, we've taken Aqaba." Or somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or in the Persian Gulf, got any suggestions you killjoy smart *rse?
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Been there it's a nice little seaside town these days. Oh and I have photos of me with the train they blew up in the film.

Just saying.
 
ex hibitionist said:
oh f*ck off, I'll take a yellow card for that, OK cancel the UAE and replace it with something else, Riyadh then, or Aqaba famously retaken by Lawrence of Arabia and portrayed famously by Peter O'Toole, "I would like a glass of lemonade, we've taken Aqaba." Or somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or in the Persian Gulf, got any suggestions you killjoy smart *rse?
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Sir, you have just won response of the year.
 
ex hibitionist said:
oh f*ck off, I'll take a yellow card for that, OK cancel the UAE and replace it with something else, Riyadh then, or Aqaba famously retaken by Lawrence of Arabia and portrayed famously by Peter O'Toole, "I would like a glass of lemonade, we've taken Aqaba." Or somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or in the Persian Gulf, got any suggestions you killjoy smart *rse?
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When a thread is called Crap Jokes you wouldn't expect hecklers.
A few years ago Kirk Douglas's son (think he was called Eric) was trying to be a stand up. He was on in London and got badly heckled. His response was, "I don't need this sh*t. I'm Kirk Douglas's son" whereupon several people stood up and cried out "No. I am Kirk Douglas's son".
 
ex hibitionist said:
oh f*ck off, I'll take a yellow card for that, OK cancel the UAE and replace it with something else, Riyadh then, or Aqaba famously retaken by Lawrence of Arabia and portrayed famously by Peter O'Toole, "I would like a glass of lemonade, we've taken Aqaba." Or somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or in the Persian Gulf, got any suggestions you killjoy smart *rse?
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🤣
 
Life expectancy of married men, is much lower than their partners.
So why do married men die earlier than their wives ?

Because they want to.
 
Bloke meets a friend he hasn't seen for a while
- What you been up to?
- I'm still playing the guitar, my son is the bassist in a band and my wife and daughter have been doing well at their violin lessons. You should come round and we'll give you a musical evening. How about you?
-I'm still coaching boxing, my son is a pro wrestler and my wife and daughter are getting their 2nd Dan at the karate. Come round one night and we'll give you a bloody good hiding.
 
Bloke with no arms or legs on a beach next to a right sort, he turns to her and says "Excuse me but I've never been snogged before so she says "Here you go" and she gives him a right smacker.
He gets his breath back and chances his luck and says"Excuse me but I've never been f***ed before"
She turns to him and says "You are now, the tide's coming in!"
 
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