I say I say I say..... Crap joke thread #3

A woman buys a finely carved mirror in an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door.

The next morning she playfully says "mirror, mirror on my door, multiply my boobs by 4". Suddenly, there's a flash of light and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.

She runs to her husband and tells him what happened , and they both rush back to the bathroom.

The husband says "mirror, mirror on the door, make my manhood touch the floor", again, there's a flash of brilliant light.....................
















.....and both his legs fall off.
 
becky said:
A woman buys a finely carved mirror in an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door.

The next morning she playfully says "mirror, mirror on my door, multiply my boobs by 4". Suddenly, there's a flash of light and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.

She runs to her husband and tells him what happened , and they both rush back to the bathroom.

The husband says "mirror, mirror on the door, make my manhood touch the floor", again, there's a flash of brilliant light.....................
















.....and both his legs fall off.
Click to expand...
A cautionary tale.
 
A woman and a man were dating and finally came to that point in the relationship...... as their passion mounted she whispered "take off your shirt" - he did so, and she could only gasp at the broad shoulders and well developed arms. "That's 100lb of pure dynamite, babe" he told her.

Things progressed further and again she whispered in his ear "take your jeans off" This brought another gasp of amazement from her as she admired the taunt abdomen and muscular thighs on display. "100 lbs of pure dynamite, babe" he said again.

Finally, she whispered "take off your pants" - again he was only too happy to comply, but was left totally perplexed when she screamed, grabbed her things and fled. Calling her later, he asked why she had reacted like that, only to have her reply.... "I was really, really scared for my life..............................


























..........all that dynamite, and such a short fuse"
 
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani are all waiting outside a maternity ward after each of their first born has just been delivered. A doctor comes out and says, "Sorry, there's been a mix-up and we can't tell whose is whose". So to avoid lawyer's fees they agree that the Englishman goes in first (alphabetical order!) and he comes out with what is clearly the Pakistani child. "What do you think you're doing?" cries the Pakistani. "Look," says the Englishman, "one of those other two kids is Welsh, and I'm not taking any chances."
 
ex hibitionist said:
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani are all waiting outside a maternity ward after each of their first born has just been delivered. A doctor comes out and says, "Sorry, there's been a mix-up and we can't tell whose is whose". So to avoid lawyer's fees they agree that the Englishman goes in first (alphabetical order!) and he comes out with what is clearly the Pakistani child. "What do you think you're doing?" cries the Pakistani. "Look," says the Englishman, "one of those other two kids is Welsh, and I'm not taking any chances."
Click to expand...
After this the Welshman goes for an eye test. The optician asks, 'Can you read this chart from top to bottom?. 'Read it, Jeez, I know the bloke'.
 
Scotland draw Portugal in a World Cup Qualifier. Feeling cocky, and knowing Scotland's pedigree, Portugal decide to go to the pub and leave Ronaldo to take on Scotland single handedly. Watching on TV from the pub, the Portugal manager is satisfied that at half time they are 1-0 up and turns off the telly. Some time later Ronaldo arrives at the pub looking absolutely gutted. "What happened?" the manager asks. "We drew 1-1" says Ronaldo. "1-1? But you looked so comfortable at half time". Ronaldo replies "I know, but I was sent off on 55 minutes".
 
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