Trivial Pretexts for Violence....list them all

Trivial Pretext : The apartment building-manager refused to give me a spare key. The victim was an angel, and the perpetrator lady looked like a Fashion-model.

 
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I seem to recall the Biffa Bacon family cornered all the standard pretexts for a kick-in but added some surreal ones.

"Did your pint spill my wife?"
After all these years reading Biffa Bacon I still wonder to myself why he still seems amenable to his bearded mother chucking bricks at him or testing a new shovel out on his forehead. He's only got himself to blame really.
 

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