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Dating Apps

R

Rudi Hedman

Member
Location
Caterham
Country
England
Anyone used or currently using them? I planned to start using them fully in the middle of the year after sorting out a few things but recently decided to dip my toe into Facebook Dating as it’s very easy to get set up and see what it’s like and who’s looking. Plus I can try the big apps when I’ve got some things done by June or July

First issue is it’s free so you get quite a few tyre kickers and women who you’ve liked first or they’ve liked you first and then once you try and start a conversation you get no reply. What’s the point of liking each other to not even give the other person a few responses, even if their first is a bit lame. I’m done with the advice behind the top right button on their profile being to introduce yourself and what you’re looking for. I’m sure they get bored with what is essentially a covering letter. Trying to hook them via some interest in their profile is a better bet, and maybe it’s got to be good as competition is high and they need to filter out men

To my surprise I got a reply to this woman with stunning photos after I made a cheeky compliment without trying to like first. I completely forgot about her because I thought I had no chance. Anyway, I’d been on the app almost a week and her about 2 days. A good flow of messaging Sunday and Monday morning and by Tuesday I asked her out. She agreed and we went for coffee the following Sunday. That lasted 2 hours so it couldn’t have gone any better. Time to be assertive so I got date 2 agreed on Monday and a pub restaurant was agreed for Wednesday evening

Not long into date 2 she expresses her intention to date other people. The way she did it expressed her honesty while hinting her intention to see more of me. She asks me if I was or am going to. I said no, so I’m asked why not. I said I didn’t think it was fair but what I should’ve said (this is i notice my dating rustiness) is I think it’s a confusing and messy and it conflicts with my morals. She said I should, so I said maybe I will then. I then said there’s 2 I could probably date in the opposite direction to where she is. Good move I think (She may want me to be sure and see a few others rather than being impulsive about just her)

2nd date didn’t go anywhere near as well as the 1st but to my surprise I got another similar message the next day saying how much she enjoyed herself and she had a nice time. She did say she’d message me when we left the pub so I was expecting a positive or a negative and she kept her word

Anyway, the main talking point is whether to multiple date or not. I’d rather not. I’ve actually done it in the days before dating apps when it was actually difficult to pull it off (but man it comes with some big downsides after a while - guilt, regret, emptiness, shame etc) rather than now when it’s on tap on dating apps and pretty easy, especially for women. And this is part of the problem. Telling her I used to do that I’m not sure about, but I was immature then.

But on the other hand if there is a genuine end goal to find and settle on the most suitable then I can see the reasoning. It can save years and instead take months, but people involved need to be prepared. Any one of those interests can end at any moment, so you’ve got to be relaxed about it and don’t think you’re in competition all the time, even though you are. If one person is seeing 3-5 people then those 3-5 could be seeing 3-5. But I’ve read online about women seeing 20 at a time, which I think is out of control and ridiculous, and this is another issue. When there is no end goal and they’re not really sure about what they’re doing or why and getting carried away like a kid in a sweet shop. That I find pathetic. Also, any woman could be having sex with 1 or 2 or all of you, or just you, you get attached to her but she wants someone else for other reasons. What a tough environment

Back to woman 1. A few of my texts she laughed back at on Friday so I’ve left it alone until tomorrow or Tuesday and I’m going for date 3. This could be something of a very unusual dating app story and we get together and ‘agree exclusivity’ or it’s just valuable experience, especially as I generally like her rather than just using anybody for dating practice, which also happens. She’s very smart, and as a bonus that isn’t a requirement, she’s very intelligent also. Oh, I’m keeping away from politics. That to me would be an awful way of a potentially compatible relationship ending. I wouldn’t but some might.
 
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Just had a strange experience. I liked a nurse who’s listed as new, she likes back, thanks me for the like and asks me if I’m having a good weekend. I ask her what sort of nursing she does, my niece is a nurse etc. She then deletes her profile, I think. Maybe she’s blocked me but I think she’s deleted her profile. Women! Mad! 😂😂
 
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Back in my tinder years I like to call them I had about 2-3 dates lined up every week with different people 😅 it was hard to focus on one girl with texting so many.

Sure the women would have the same. There's too much choice and there's always someone better out there with the swipe of your finger.

But anyways had my last first tinder date back in 2020 and we went to buy a ring last weekend. 😅
 
I met up with a mate this week who was saying that a large proportion of the girls that come up on the apps are not English. He's ok with that but is finding they are more conservative and it's tough to even get a kiss(!). Plus they want the guy to pay for everything, and if it works out in the future, they plan to stay at home and not work. Something that is difficult financially in this day and age. This is a real life consequence of London having fewer English people than before.
 
eaglesdare said:
Back in my tinder years I like to call them I had about 2-3 dates lined up every week with different people 😅 it was hard to focus on one girl with texting so many.

Sure the women would have the same. There's too much choice and there's always someone better out there with the swipe of your finger.

But anyways had my last first tinder date back in 2020 and we went to buy a ring last weekend. 😅
Click to expand...
I’m quite choosy so I don’t know if it’s that or the lack of quality on Facebook that’s currently giving me limited options. I’ve recently had 3 other very fit ones all from the same area funnily enough like and match me.

One I liked first, the other liked me first and the other Facebook matched us and I let her like me first, which I prefer as you don’t look a desperate opportunist etc. One of them was silent when it came to messaging but on reflection I reckon she’s boring so maybe just as well. The other one messaged back quite a bit but was busy with house extensions etc, I then got communicating a lot with the one I’ve dated twice and didn’t message her. The one Facebook matched us I left it a week to message her because I had no intention of dating multiple people. No response. You’ve got to get in there reasonably quick. I made a mistake there on 2 fit ones. Oh well, maybe I’ve done pretty well to get to probably date 3 with one I actually like the most out of all of them. It’s a crazy world now with this
 
Penge Eagle said:
I met up with a mate this week who was saying that a large proportion of the girls that come up on the apps are not English. He's ok with that but is finding they are more conservative and it's tough to even get a kiss(!). Plus they want the guy to pay for everything, and if it works out in the future, they plan to stay at home and not work. Something that is difficult financially in this day and age. This is a real life consequence of London having fewer English people than before.
Click to expand...
Yeah I expect the one I’ve dated to see some foreign men as her radius goes right into London. Her family aren’t English

I asked her what it’s like on the women side before we met but she said she didn’t have enough experience to say. Smart answer really! Now I’d look insecure asking. I’m just curious

There’s a few good looking east Europeans on Facebook dating. Saw one recently but she’s wearing what looks like an expensive pink overcoat. That is a red flag to me. Says expensive tastes, maybe dates and expectations and possibly high maintenance which is an absolute no fvcking chance darling
 
Partners are like Jobs. The really good ones are taken, longterm, happy.
And all the sh1.tty ones are always being advertised, up for grabs and guaranteed to disappoint, and already been run through with a hundred previous incumbents.

The dating World was better before software ruined it. The software is not designed to find a match. It is there to waste time, browsing constantly and for people to filter-out each other. With a constant endless stream of 'potentials'......many people get mesmerized by the gizmo.
 
The last time I was in the dating market, after my first marriage failed, was in the days of lonely hearts columns in newspapers. The one I used in a local paper didn't provide photos so you never knew quite what you were going to get. I did go on a couple of dates using that facility but neither worked out. Shortly afterwards I met my now wife through friends. In fact it was blind date as the said friends just gave me her number rather than engineering a meeting ( but she did come with flattering endorsements!) I struck lucky. That was 25 years ago. She too had come out of a broken marriage.

Whether it is a good idea to date more than one person really depends on your own preference. My now wife had dated several different men before we met, and a couple after we first met( I should say she wasn't sleeping with them). It's unlikely that you are going to meet Mrs ( or Mr.) Right first time out, so keeping your options open may be the sensible thing to do.

One other thing I always say to people when embarking on the dating track is not to put too much store by shared interests e.g. loves theatre, country walks, cinema, fine dining or, indeed, Crystal Palace FC. Having similar interests only goes so far, but is no guarantee of compatibility.
 
Oh my word, what a different world from that when I was in my pomp, seeking young ladies for company and pleasure.
In those halcyon days one used to wear one's best 'Bib and Tucker', marinate oneself in 'After Shave', eye up ladies in discos and bars and approach them with what was known as a "Chat up line".
There were some 'Singles and Separates' clubs but I never attended such establishments.

I met my dear wife over 40 years ago outside a wine bar. I was not a luminous vision shimmering that night nor had a shirt unbuttoned well south of Watford !
 
Willo said:
Oh my word, what a different world from that when I was in my pomp, seeking young ladies for company and pleasure.
In those halcyon days one used to wear one's best 'Bib and Tucker', marinate oneself in 'After Shave', eye up ladies in discos and bars and approach them with what was known as a "Chat up line".
There were some 'Singles and Separates' clubs but I never attended such establishments.

I met my dear wife over 40 years ago outside a wine bar. I was not a luminous vision shimmering that night nor had a shirt unbuttoned well south of Watford !
Click to expand...
Can't envisage you as 'Medallion Man' in your high waisted flares & platform shoes 😀
 
PalazioVecchio said:
Partners are like Jobs. The really good ones are taken, longterm, happy.
And all the sh1.tty ones are always being advertised, up for grabs and guaranteed to disappoint, and already been run through with a hundred previous incumbents.

The dating World was better before software ruined it. The software is not designed to find a match. It is there to waste time, browsing constantly and for people to filter-out each other. With a constant endless stream of 'potentials'......many people get mesmerized by the gizmo.
Click to expand...

Part of the problem is you find that the 9/10 men are only interested in the 9/10 women and vice versa. Bearing in mind the apps are based on looks, it rules out half the people available. So the cream are out of reach for most people (6-8/10s) but they still chase them and are upset they only appeal to their own bracket.

You have the Instagram generation of women who want everything paid for and can't get a boyfriend because most blokes don't want to fund their lifestyle. Essentially it's a numbers game, but I hear from a lot of people the success rate on the apps is not as good as it used to be. I think there is value in extending the range into the overseas market to somewhere like Ireland.
 
Penge Eagle said:
Part of the problem is you find that the 9/10 men are only interested in the 9/10 women and vice versa. Bearing in mind the apps are based on looks, it rules out half the people available. So the cream are out of reach for most people (6-8/10s) but they still chase them and are upset they only appeal to their own bracket.

You have the Instagram generation of women who want everything paid for and can't get a boyfriend because most blokes don't want to fund their lifestyle. Essentially it's a numbers game, but I hear from a lot of people the success rate on the apps is not as good as it used to be. I think there is value in extending the range into the overseas market to somewhere like Ireland.
Click to expand...
What do you mean exactly? Cheers
 
Willo said:
Oh my word, what a different world from that when I was in my pomp, seeking young ladies for company and pleasure.
In those halcyon days one used to wear one's best 'Bib and Tucker', marinate oneself in 'After Shave', eye up ladies in discos and bars and approach them with what was known as a "Chat up line".
There were some 'Singles and Separates' clubs but I never attended such establishments.

I met my dear wife over 40 years ago outside a wine bar. I was not a luminous vision shimmering that night nor had a shirt unbuttoned well south of Watford !
Click to expand...
I can only imagine what the Willo chat up line was.

'ding dong, so what brings such an adorable figure of divine exquisite femininity into my world of expectant ardour'.......'Ten of my hard earned pounds enough?'
 
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