Nutmegyeti
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England
YOU'RE THE MANAGER!
The Pierre Sage Crystal Palace Special
Think you've got what it takes to manage a Premier League football club? Put yourself in the hot seat and make the big decisions!
QUESTION 1: THE DEFENSIVE DILEMMA
You've just arrived at Crystal Palace. Your two best defenders have been sold, but you're determined to play an exciting, attacking 3-4-3 or 3-4-2-1 formation.
Five games in, you've discovered that your three centre-backs are about as comfortable playing this system as a giraffe on roller skates. You're conceding goals for fun.
It's game six. What do you do?
A. Switch to a flat back four, tighten things up and make yourselves difficult to beat.
B. Keep the three centre-backs but instruct your wing-backs to sit deeper, providing additional defensive cover.
C. Stick with exactly the same 3-4-2-1 formation, change absolutely nothing and assume that eventually the opposition will get bored of scoring.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Never mind. On to the next question!
QUESTION 2: THE EARLY GOAL PROBLEM
You're now ten games into the season. Not only are you still conceding goals, but you're conceding them earlier and earlier.
Against your local rivals, you're 3-0 down after ten minutes. Your defenders are spending so much time watching opposition forwards run past them that they might as well have bought tickets.
Your next game approaches. What do you do?
A. Set up with a disciplined back four, two holding midfielders and concentrate on not being 2-0 down before the supporters have finished their first pint.
B. Retain your attacking philosophy but make tactical adjustments, asking your midfielders to provide more defensive cover and your wing-backs to be more selective about going forward.
C. Play exactly the same 3-4-2-1, push everyone forward from the first whistle and hope that this week you can score six before the opposition scores five.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Unlucky! Still, you've got to admire the consistency.
QUESTION 3: THE MYSTERY OF THE UNMARKED BACK POST
You've now identified a recurring problem. Your wing-backs are so far up the pitch that they appear to be playing in a different postcode.
Opposition teams have worked out that a simple diagonal ball to the back post is enough to create a goalscoring opportunity. Even more remarkably, when defending corners, the back post is frequently left completely unmarked.
Your coaching staff have highlighted the problem, the supporters have spotted it, and opposition managers appear to be planning their entire attacking strategy around it.
What do you do?
A. Instruct your wing-backs to adopt a more disciplined defensive position, ensuring that the back post is covered when defending crosses.
B. Review your defensive organisation, introduce specific marking responsibilities at set pieces and spend time on the training ground correcting the obvious weaknesses.
C. Continue playing exactly the same way, after all zonal marking is a collective responsibility.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Unlucky! Apparently, the back post is somebody else's responsibility. Unfortunately, nobody seems to know whose.
QUESTION 4: THE EUROPEAN ADVENTURE
You've just come off the pitch having made a team sitting 12th in the German Bundesliga look like 1970 Brazil.
Your defence has been carved open repeatedly, the opposition have created chance after chance, and you've somehow escaped with a result.
Next up? Liverpool.
What is your tactical masterplan?
A. Set up with a compact back four, protect the midfield, frustrate Liverpool and try to hit them on the counterattack.
B. Play a more conservative 4-2-3-1, with two holding midfielders shielding the defence and instructions to remain compact when out of possession.
C. Play exactly the same 3-4-2-1. Push your wing-backs even higher, leave your three centre-backs completely exposed and trust that Liverpool's forwards will be too polite to take advantage.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Oh dear. Have you considered a career outside football?
YOUR FINAL SCORE: 0 OUT OF 4
SHOOT! MAGAZINE'S VERDICT:
You've demonstrated remarkable commitment to your principles, an admirable refusal to learn from experience and a tactical philosophy that appears to consist entirely of hoping something different happens next Saturday.
Your managerial rating: 1/10.
Congratulations! You've unlocked the exclusive Pierre Sage achievement:
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
See you next week, when we'll be asking whether a 3-4-2-1 might finally be the answer!
The Pierre Sage Crystal Palace Special
Think you've got what it takes to manage a Premier League football club? Put yourself in the hot seat and make the big decisions!
QUESTION 1: THE DEFENSIVE DILEMMA
You've just arrived at Crystal Palace. Your two best defenders have been sold, but you're determined to play an exciting, attacking 3-4-3 or 3-4-2-1 formation.
Five games in, you've discovered that your three centre-backs are about as comfortable playing this system as a giraffe on roller skates. You're conceding goals for fun.
It's game six. What do you do?
A. Switch to a flat back four, tighten things up and make yourselves difficult to beat.
B. Keep the three centre-backs but instruct your wing-backs to sit deeper, providing additional defensive cover.
C. Stick with exactly the same 3-4-2-1 formation, change absolutely nothing and assume that eventually the opposition will get bored of scoring.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Never mind. On to the next question!
QUESTION 2: THE EARLY GOAL PROBLEM
You're now ten games into the season. Not only are you still conceding goals, but you're conceding them earlier and earlier.
Against your local rivals, you're 3-0 down after ten minutes. Your defenders are spending so much time watching opposition forwards run past them that they might as well have bought tickets.
Your next game approaches. What do you do?
A. Set up with a disciplined back four, two holding midfielders and concentrate on not being 2-0 down before the supporters have finished their first pint.
B. Retain your attacking philosophy but make tactical adjustments, asking your midfielders to provide more defensive cover and your wing-backs to be more selective about going forward.
C. Play exactly the same 3-4-2-1, push everyone forward from the first whistle and hope that this week you can score six before the opposition scores five.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Unlucky! Still, you've got to admire the consistency.
QUESTION 3: THE MYSTERY OF THE UNMARKED BACK POST
You've now identified a recurring problem. Your wing-backs are so far up the pitch that they appear to be playing in a different postcode.
Opposition teams have worked out that a simple diagonal ball to the back post is enough to create a goalscoring opportunity. Even more remarkably, when defending corners, the back post is frequently left completely unmarked.
Your coaching staff have highlighted the problem, the supporters have spotted it, and opposition managers appear to be planning their entire attacking strategy around it.
What do you do?
A. Instruct your wing-backs to adopt a more disciplined defensive position, ensuring that the back post is covered when defending crosses.
B. Review your defensive organisation, introduce specific marking responsibilities at set pieces and spend time on the training ground correcting the obvious weaknesses.
C. Continue playing exactly the same way, after all zonal marking is a collective responsibility.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Unlucky! Apparently, the back post is somebody else's responsibility. Unfortunately, nobody seems to know whose.
QUESTION 4: THE EUROPEAN ADVENTURE
You've just come off the pitch having made a team sitting 12th in the German Bundesliga look like 1970 Brazil.
Your defence has been carved open repeatedly, the opposition have created chance after chance, and you've somehow escaped with a result.
Next up? Liverpool.
What is your tactical masterplan?
A. Set up with a compact back four, protect the midfield, frustrate Liverpool and try to hit them on the counterattack.
B. Play a more conservative 4-2-3-1, with two holding midfielders shielding the defence and instructions to remain compact when out of possession.
C. Play exactly the same 3-4-2-1. Push your wing-backs even higher, leave your three centre-backs completely exposed and trust that Liverpool's forwards will be too polite to take advantage.
YOUR DECISION: C. X
Oh dear. Have you considered a career outside football?
YOUR FINAL SCORE: 0 OUT OF 4
SHOOT! MAGAZINE'S VERDICT:
You've demonstrated remarkable commitment to your principles, an admirable refusal to learn from experience and a tactical philosophy that appears to consist entirely of hoping something different happens next Saturday.
Your managerial rating: 1/10.
Congratulations! You've unlocked the exclusive Pierre Sage achievement:
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
See you next week, when we'll be asking whether a 3-4-2-1 might finally be the answer!